Meet the Man of my Dreams, or… How to Get EVERYTHING You Want

I’ve been taking some time off  to finally do my 100 list. A friend and I agreed to do these several weeks ago, and for some reason I just haven’t yet, so it’s time.

The exercise incorporates a lot of things we already know but I, at least, almost never put into practice.

1. ASK for what you want. Even the Bible, and a lot of writings a lot older than that—say, “ASK, and you shall receive.”

(NOT: “Hope your spouse/best friend/mom/boss/daughter/lottery office can read your mind and give you exactly what you were desperately, but silently wishing for…..and be sad/hurt/angry/resentful when they don’t.”)

Just ASK.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It hasn’t been for me. I’m not used to being vocal, or even very honest, about what I want. Even what I need. I wrote about this a couple of weeks ago (http://choose2bhappynow.blogspot.com/2009_09_24_archive.html), and it’ll likely be an ongoing effort.

And ASKING for what you want isn’t the all of it. You need to ask RIGHT. Ask for what you want as clearly, specifically, and with as much detail as you possibly can.

And since it’s harder to GET what we want, until we KNOW what we want,

2. MAKE A LIST….……..……..The 100 list ©

A list of 100 things that describe what it’s like to HAVE what you want, NOW. Present tense. POSITIVE terms. How it FEELS, how it TASTES, how it LOOKS, how it SMELLS, what it WEARS, what it MEANS, what you DO. Be as SPECIFIC as possible.

NOT the 100 things that WILL BE wonderful WHEN you get what you want.

The 100 things that ARE wonderful, right NOW, when you ALREADY (as if you already) have EXACTLY what you want.

Beyond your wildest dreams.

You need to really FEEL it, to be it. Picture it, see yourself already there.

You can do this for EACH of the major goals in each of the major areas of your life, like

Your HEALTH or fitness goals;
Your WEALTH goals;
Your SPIRITUAL goals;
Your RELATIONSHIP goals;
Your PERSONAL GROWTH goals;
etc.

For me, this means taking one goal at a time. And right now, A. and I decided that we both wanted to work on this one: That we both want someone special in our lives. For the rest of our lives.

It’s important to just start writing. Picture yourself already there, and describe it.

Part of my list might look like this:

My 100 list ©

1. I feel safe and loved when he wraps his arms around me and holds me tight.

2. He loves everything I bake!

3. I love that he makes me laugh so hard that it’s hard to breathe.

4. His butt looks great in jeans.

5. We go on lots of great diving trips—he’s my favorite dive buddy ever.

You don’t have to do the whole list at one sitting, but get started and get it done. Imagine yourself in the situation, and describe it—how it looks, feels, tastes, smells, sounds. How you feel there. The things that are important to you. The more specific your list, the clearer the image, the closer you are to already being there.

This is not about changing someone into someone else.

This is about YOU.
ASKING for what you want.

Years ago, Debbie Ford told me something her rabbi (I think) had once told her:

“You are nothing but a speck of dust --
the whole Universe was created just for you.”

The 100 list is about creating your Universe.
Describing your world, the one you LOVE to live in!

When I finally started writing, I was amazed at some of the things that tumbled out. The ‘man of my dreams’ is a really great guy…

I can’t wait for you to meet him sometime.

Now start writing.

The Ultimate Goal

It’s 8am and almost 80 degrees under an impossibly blue, blue sky. Still a coolish breeze teasing around, but it’s going to be a very warm, beautiful day. I love mornings like this!  Time to walk, breathe, be grateful. Not stress over GAINING a pound and a half this week, instead of losing. Despite staying on plan. Despite going to the gym faithfully. Despite swimming for hours after work. Despite not having had any chocolate in….well, days and days at least.

I saw an old college friend a couple of months ago and one of the things that came up was keeping your eye on the ultimate goal when confronted with obstacles. In a professional situation, that has always meant I get smart, I get more focused, and I get results. For whichever large organization I’m working for at the time. Yay for them.

But it’s not something I’ve always been good at personally. If it’s “just” me, I get frustrated, I get my feelings hurt, I get defensive. I retreat. I make emotional decisions. And in the process of trying to “show” them,  (what am I, four?!) I end up hurting myself.

Tuesday afternoon I was at the funky little gym here in the Village. The one that’s only open Monday through Friday, and then only until 6pm.

Barely.

Let’s call the proprietor Moody Mike (MM). Because he is. Very. And Moody Mike gets bored, sitting all day in the funky little gym. Understandable. But woe betide anyone who comes in after 4:30 for a workout. Or heaven forbid, close to 5:00, which is what I did Tuesday.

I signed in at 4:50. An hour and ten minutes is enough for a decent workout and some cardio, doncha think? But by 5:30 the only other guy in there wrapped up his loud, lengthy conversation with MM and left.

And then the glowering starts (MM’s a BIG guy. It’s intimidating.) MM wants to go home. Waves of resentment (?! He’s the one with the OPEN sign on the door) start rolling off him and hammering at me, quietly cardio-ing away in the corner. I try not to notice, but the heart monitor in front of me registers higher. I don’t mind if he switches off all the lights. I’m THRILLED when he switches off the bone-jarring music (don’t get me wrong—I love music, but the gym is really LOUD in a really small space and the mostly older members or already-deaf younger members with ipods in their ears YELL to be heard over…you get the idea). I don’t mind when he empties the trash or starts mopping the floors.

But at 5:50, when he closes the doors and turns off the machines I’m USING, it’s too much.

I try to unclench my jaw, and leave.

And I decide not to go back.

I think about checking out the ‘other’ gym again. The ‘real’ gym, in Mid-Valley, about seven miles away. The one with better hours, that’s open on the weekends, and has showers and lockers, albeit a bit primitive. The one close to the grocery store, and the bank. The one the ‘guys’ go to.

The one my (female) neighbor calls an unprintable name, and says smells.

I also think about the unused equipment in my garage. And living room. And walking shoes. And my dog. And whether I need to go to a gym at all.

So I don’t.

I didn’t go to the gym yesterday. It’s a month-to-month membership and yesterday my check was due. I hadn’t made a real decision on the other gym, but I had decided to take at least this month off from this one.

That’ll show him.

And then I thought about Lisa, and the Ultimate Goal.

So I’m going back to the gym today. Like a big girl. I’m going to pack up the TWELVE sales I had yesterday, take them to the post office on the way and get them mailed out. Maybe I’ll make it to the gym a little early – not for Moody Mike, but for me. I don’t need the hassle. And I’ll hand in a check for another month.

Because that gym suits MY purposes. It’s close, it’s cheap, it’s an important component on the way to my Ultimate Goal. MM is a good trainer, and he can help me get there. I want to be fit again. I want to be strong, and healthy. And look hot in whatever clothes I choose to wear.

Besides, maybe I’m imagining the whole thing, and MM doesn’t mind at all that people who’ve paid to use his gym actually do so.

It doesn’t matter. I’ve got my eye on the Goal.

And I’m not buying any chocolate, either.