You’re Boring the Dog

I have a new idea for a reality show.

It’s called “You’re Boring the Dog.”

Dogs are great. And I’m really lucky—I have a particularly sweet one. He’s fascinated by almost everything I do, follows me around, wants to see, stick his nose right into the middle of, (and participate, if possible) in whatever I’m up to. Or at least watch. Is always ready to run. Or play. Or walk. Or snuggle.

But sometimes even he gets bored.

Like when I’m working at my desk, or watching tv, or soaking in the bath with a good book and it doesn’t look like I’m going to get up and do anything interesting anytime soon.

He gets bored waiting and gives up. Curls up, either under my feet, or in my lap, if he can get away with it (he’s kind of outgrown the lapdog parameters), or on the bathmat in front of the tub and goes to sleep.

Bored.

Until I get up and do something more interesting again.

The last few weeks have been a little boring for him. I’ve been really busy, and it’s been raining—a lot—so we haven’t been on many walks. I’m NEVER in the kitchen cooking anything yummy anymore. I never drop crumbs, or tidbits, or the little crispy end of anything for him to hoover up. I don’t bring home bags of interesting things from the market anymore. I never save him the last bite of a sandwich anymore.

And there hasn’t been a mixing bowl to help lick out in ages.

These days it’s just plain ol’ dog food, and cookie bones, and the occasional soft liver treat.

And just potion, potion, potion for me.

Even the dog is getting bored.

So, it’s Day 17 of my cleansing fast. I’m going to keep going, but I’m going to quit yammering on about it so much.

I was boring the dog.

Day 16

I’m really, REALLY tired of lemonade.

I usually love the taste, and smell, of fresh lemons. Lemon blossoms on a spring day, the scent of fresh lemons in a bowl, a little fresh lemon squeezed into a glass of water on a hot summer day. And I’m permanently, eternally, on the hunt for the perfect lemon pound cake recipe. (If anyone has one, please, please share…) Ages ago there was a funky little deli in Sausalito that made a great one. Just a plain lemon Bundt cake, but so perfectly done—every time--that even the (usually dry) outside edge was moist and delicious.

And they didn’t pour lemon syrup over it, either. I mean, what ISN’T moist when you drench it in syrup?

Anyway, I’ve always loved lemons.  And right now I’m so sick of the taste of lemons, I would almost rather not have anything than drink another glass of this lemon juice potion.

But I’m doing it. Day 16. I still find it hard to believe that anyone—particularly me, the Nibble Queen—can go 16 days without eating anything. Was out on Friday night and someone asked me “Don’t you miss eating?” I do. I’m not hungry—at all—but I miss eating…

I think at this point, if I could cheat a little—if I could have a piece of savory roast chicken, or a bowll of creamy mac and cheese (heck—even one or two of the edamame my mom was munching on last night)—I would. But J and everything I’ve read warns me, I can’t just start eating again. Going off the fast is a gradual process…they recommend a day of orange juice, then adding vegetable broth for dinner. The next day it’s vegetable broth for lunch, etc.

So, ‘cheating’ would mean getting to drink a glass of orange juice. Maybe some broth, if I really go off the deep end.

Not a slice of pizza.

And nothing about a glass of orange juice is  worth it.

Or even that appealing.

This weekend was a bit rough again and I got frustrated. I didn’t sleep well Friday night, so I was tired and a little grumpy on Saturday. I also hit a wall as far as weight loss goes. Stalled for a couple of days, then Monday morning I was UP two pounds (on what?! a couple of extra glasses of water?) so by Monday night I just could NOT face another cup of potion.

So I deviated a bit. I admit it. For cups 5 & 6 that evening I used two tablespoons of Trader Joe’s pure, 100% cranberry juice instead of lemon juice. Woo hoo! And skipped the maple syrup entirely.

I’ve always loved maple syrup, too (one of the reasons I order waffles, instead of pancakes). And I LOVE maple candy—which was one of the few perks of commuting from Boston to London all that time back when: Logan airport gift shops carry FRESH maple candy—not the crystallized, rock-hard lumps you find out here…if you can find it out here at all.

But now even that taste is getting tiresome.

I did have a little spoonful of maple cream with the first cup, to make up for it. Not getting tired of that—maybe because of the wonderful, creamy texture. It almost gives my mouth something to do.

Cup number six went down completely plain.

And by Tuesday morning the scale had finally gotten with the program again and was heading in the right direction. (I know, I know—I’m not supposed to weigh myself every day. I just can’t help it.)

So last night I did it again: two tablespoons of pure 100% cranberry juice (No sugar, no nothing added. VERY sour. And SUCH a nice change.) in the last two cups.

And I’m good to go again.

In other news, last week, after half a month of warm, dry days, I was hauling watering cans around to water my potted plants. And even some of the ones in the ground. Not too bad, since all of my rain barrels were still full.

This week, we’ve had almost four inches of rain in the last couple of days, thunder, lightning, and even a little hail, and the biggest storm so far is raging as we speak.

I hope everyone stays safe, and warm and dry. Well hydrated.

God bless.

Humbled

This puts an entire new spin on the term, ‘craving chicken.’

I’m appropriately humbled. Grateful all over again for the many blessings I’ve been given. And grateful for a new twitter-contact,  @AngeliasArt . It was a link on her site that led me to this short, but powerful film, winner of the ‘Most Popular Short Film’ award at the 2006 Berlin Film Festival.

Chicken a la Carte: http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/1081?pf=rate:1081

Today’s Day 12. Maybe I will try for 40 days.

Just because.

I haven’t eaten anything in 10 days

It boggles my mind.

And it makes me think. About what we want, and what we actually need. What I think I have to have, and what is actually enough.

Now I know why God gave me the Frankenlemon tree.

I’m not hungry, although there’s a kind of mental list of ‘oh-the-things-I will-eat’ in the back of head with things like roast chicken, crispy duck, and barbequed ribs on it. I’ve always been a die-hard carnivore, but this is ridiculous! So I guess there’s no longer any doubt (if indeed there ever was) that I’m not just addicted to sugar. And chocolate. But also to protein. And fat.

I’m more than a little mortified to admit it, but it’s true.

Still odd to me that I’m NOT craving sweets—I guess the maple syrup takes care of that. It’s actually been tasting too sweet to me for the last few days, and sometimes I cheat a little and only put in one tablespoon, instead of two. Not sure if that’s allowed, but..

There’ve been some unexpected benefits, too. Except for the juice-squeezy-thingy and a couple of mugs & spoons, I haven’t had any dishes to do for more than a week. I haven’t had to clean the kitchen. And I haven’t had to clean that stove.

I still have lots of energy, and, in fact, seem to be sleeping less. My skin is really soft. Two people yesterday asked me if I’ve lost weight (YES). And no one’s complained (at least not to my face) that I’m any crabbier than usual.

I can’t believe I haven’t EATEN in ten days.

I bought a cute pair of boots (tall, black, suede, scrunchy. Sweet!) as a reward with the money I’m saving on groceries.

Which brings me back to needing and wanting.

I wanted those boots. (What I really wanted was some over-the-knee boots, but I decided that I’m too old for ‘em. Sigh. But these are pretty great.)

I didn’t actually need them.

I’ve been thinking about how much I have, how lucky I am. 

And starting to feel a bit guilty about the boots.

There’s a volunteer opportunity I’ve known about for a while. Shortly before Christmas, I finally went down & signed up. Yesterday was my first of two scheduled days, and I had so much fun!   The first thing they did was get me to commit to a whole bunch more, on a regular basis (the old ladies they put in charge of these things are tenacious.) I was pooped at the end of it, but I had so much fun. Which just goes to show, all over again, that we usually get more out of giving, and volunteering, and service, than we could ever put in.

So maybe tomorrow we could all skip just one thing—that extra latte, the dessert at lunchtime, that mid-afternoon candy bar, that extra glass of wine, or even some guilty pleasure tv show and give that money (or time) to someone in need.

Here’s the link to the International Red Cross, if you’d like to contact them: http://www.redcross.org/

In the meantime, since I’ve met my first goal (10 days), the next stop is 15. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could make it?

I’m off to pick more lemons now.

And I’ve put it on my list to ask the local butcher how long it takes to order a duck.

And then there were Eight

So I got up last Tuesday, admitted my transgressions to my friend J, put them behind me, and started the Cleanse again. Made up a big bottle of potion, as they suggest, so I’d have no excuses.

Day 1 was no problem, but that first evening was ROUGH. It took two pieces of gum to get me through it, but I did it.

Day 2. The second evening was tough as well,  but my mom came by to help prepare some glazes for a local school project (who am I kidding? I just decide,  fetch and match colors—she does all the heavy lifting, i.e. cleaning and mixing, bless her. It is NOT a job I enjoy, or have much patience for.)

I pooped out early (not that I was being much help to begin with), so she decided to stay over and finish the next day. Which means she was there to ‘babysit’ me all evening and so I stayed on the straight and narrow. Although in the end it took a couple of killer games of Scrabble (and one chewy mint) to keep me honest…not sure I could have done it on my own. She also took the rest of the not-sure-how-long-I-can-resist-it food in the house with her when she left the next day. She forgot the head of lettuce and the head of purple cabbage and one lone little endive.

Those, it turns out, I’m able to resist.

By Day 3 I was unbearably  proud of myself for having made it that far. I spent two hours that night at a party at the best pizza place in town, but by then I was too thrilled to have gotten that far to blow it. I didn’t have so much as a teeny crumb of that toasty, crispy edge of cheese. I did bolt early and drove STRAIGHT to the gym, where there was just enough time to get a quick workout in before they closed.

On Day 4, an order of maple cream I’d ordered arrived. What looks like an undistinguished little plastic container is actually a jar of pure heaven—pure, organic maple syrup cooked down to the creamy texture of smooth peanut butter. YUM. I had to hide it from myself or be tempted to eat a significant portion. (I’d already done the math, and knew how much I could substitute for the maple syrup in my potion. I may have eaten just a teeensy bit more…)

I took the dog for as long a walk as I could manage and spent TWO hours at the gym, including an hour and a half on the old lady bike. (My ankle still hurts)

Day 5—Saturday—included an hour at the gym and then dinner with a friend. I watched her eat while sipping my potion. And was only a little tempted. (It wasn’t the manicotti so much as all that warm, gooey cheese on top.) And then I sat through an entire movie—which, as luck would have it—featured people cooking, eating, and talking about delicious food in darn near every scene, without eating so much as a grain of popcorn.

I dropped the forgotten vegetables off at my Mom’s while I was in town—I’d been entertaining lascivious thoughts of crunching into that head of lettuce.

J was right: I DO miss chewing!

By Day 6 I had a hard time even getting all six cups of the potion down. This was the first day that my weight wasn’t down, which J assures me is normal. The gym is closed on Sundays, but I worked in the yard for a couple of hours. Weird weather—at 5pm it was still 70. Kinda still and heavy. What we call ‘earthquake weather’ which it has been all week. No one believed me when I said so Tuesday and again on Saturday. And indeed, biggish earthquakes in Northern California both those days…

I took a long hot bath with a good book, and went to bed early. To no avail: some wild animal was gallumphing across the yard, driving the dog crazy, and once in a while galloping across the roof, just to break it up a little.

Day 7, down another pound. Back at the gym, where I’m starting to warm up to the old lady bike. This is to working out as condos are to camping: I can comfortably read while pedaling, although I’ve already gotten a bruise from just trying to get on and off the thing. Not sure it really counts as working out, but at least I’m moving. I’m not hungry at all, but by late afternoon the thought of a nice piece of roast chicken (I make great roast chicken) is driving me a little crazy. It takes another chewy mint and three little pieces of Flaming Dragon cinnamon gum to get me through the rest of the evening.

And Day 8 is today.

It boggles my mind that I haven’t eaten anything except six (more or less) cups of potion a day and a glass of herbal teal in the morning & evening for EIGHT days. I’m amazed that I’m not hungry. (A little bored, but not hungry.) Not sure if I’m any crankier than usual.

You’d have to ask the people that have to deal with me every day, and so far, they’re not telling.

The first few days, for one reason or another, I kept coming across links for new and yummy-sounding recipes I was dying to try. I wasted a bunch of time researching & saving recipes in a try ‘as soon as I start eating again” file. By Sunday, Day 6, they were all recipes for goodies—some yummy-sounding cookies, some cute cupcakes I’ll probably make at Valentine’s, some decadent dessert bars. I guess it was all some sort of sick substitution for actually eating, but hey—no actual calories were consumed in the process. And amazingly, for only the second time in my life I’m actually NOT craving sweets.

Over the last eight days I’ve had five pieces of gum, two chewy mints, and the occasional sugarfree tiny cinnamon Altoid none of which, strictly speaking, are allowed. Oh well. I haven’t eaten in EIGHT days. I’m so proud of myself I could burst. I feel great. I’ve lost that first five Christmas pounds I gained. And the second.

Part of me never wants to eat again..I mean hey—I’m kinda on a roll here. But there are all those good recipes to try..including a yummy one for pulled pork, and some pecan caramel toffee bars, and just yesterday I found a delicious and do-able sounding recipe for “Fragrant and Crispy Sichuan Duck” http://www.vietworldkitchen.com/blog/2010/01/fragrant-and-crispy-duck-recipe-xiang-su-quan-ya.html…

It’s featured on every Chinese restaurant menu in England and almost none here, and I’ve been craving it since I left.

Anyone want to come over (after I’m done with my fast, of course!) and help me try it?

But not yet. My first goal is the ten day mark, which (it boggles my little mind) is just two days away. Then fifteen days, then twenty. According to the literature, you can go as long as 40 days at a stretch, as often as four times a year. Twenty seems a reasonable number for now--we’re taking my mom out for a nice dinner on her birthday, which is just a couple of weeks away.

In the process I’m hoping to learn the difference between being hungry and just liking & wanting to eat—for any other reason. I’m hoping to learn a more intuitive, natural, healthy manner of portion control—one blondie is about a 1”x2” rectangle –not a quarter of the pan, just because they taste so darn good. (And they’re ooey-gooey-chewy. I’m a real texture eater, too.) I’m hoping to improve my health, help my joints, and get rid of stuffy nose that I’ve picked up recently. I’m hoping to shrink my stomach. And kick-start some serious weight loss, too.

Did I mention that it’s going to an INCREDIBLE year?!